Did you meet a soldier online?
Has he seemingly fallen head over heels in love with you in a very short amount of time?
Is there something in your gut making you question if this is truly real?
Are you trying to figure out if it’s a real soldier?
Trust Your Gut: If You Are Questioning If It’s a Scam, It Probably Is
The first thing I will say to you is to trust your gut. Whether you call it your gut or your intuition, it will rarely lead you astray.
If your gut is telling you something is off, then it probably is.
I have been helping people who were victims of these romance scams for more than a decade. Not one single time has someone reached out to me who it turned out was actually dating a soldier.
Out of thousands of emails, blog comments over at Married to the Army, and Facebook messages, it’s always a scam.
Each of these people knew deep down that the person they were involved with was a scammer. Some believed the person they were dating was indeed in the military (they’re not) but ultimately still knew something wasn’t right.
#1 Way To Verify He’s Real: Ask For His Military Email Address
If you’re questioning the person you met online who is claiming to be a soldier, there is one definite way to know for sure.
Ask for his military email address.
Every soldier has an official military email address. This email address will end in mail.mil.
Many times when you ask for this, the excuses will begin. Let’s break down each excuse and why it’s yet another lie the person tells you.
Excuse #1: It’s a Security Risk
He may tell very tall tales about how it’s a security risk and a threat to provide you with this email address.
Now, let’s think about this. This person has generally shared pictures, is communicating with you through social media or a dating site, and is supposedly sharing information about his unit, where he is, and the missions he is going on.
He’s on Whatsapp, Skype, and other messaging services.
All of those things may be a security risk.
Giving you an email address? Not so much.
There is NO reason not to be able to give you an email address. Think about how ridiculous that is. An email address is a security risk? How? To who?
It’s a security risk to his scam and being able to get money out of you when he can’t provide an email address. The only risk is by you asking, the scammer’s money trail will come to an end.
Excuse #2: He’s Locked Out of His Military Email
The excuse often follows this that he can’t unlock it while he is deployed. So there’s no way for him to access it until he returns home and is in the U.S. again.
Have you ever forgotten the password to your email account or some other online account that you have?
When you clicked to recover a password, did it demand you be in a specific country to allow you to reset a password?
Could a soldier legitimately have forgotten his password? Of course. Does he have to be back in the U.S. to reset it? No.
Excuse #3: His Commander Has To Permit Him to Email You
This particular excuse has always made me laugh. Our military commanders have much more important things to do with their time than to approve who one of their soldiers can email.
In some cases, they will take it a step further at this point and even say you need to pay a certain amount to enable access to his email account. This is also a lie.
A military email address is provided for free. There’s absolutely no reason to send a soldier money. Ever.
Excuse #4: His Military Email Can Only Be Used for Official Communications
He will say he can get in trouble if he uses his military email address for personal communications. He can only use it for official military business.
Again, all lies.
He can use this email address the same as he would any other email. There is no excuse for why he can’t provide it to you.
Excuse #5: His Military Email Address is Classified
Absolutely not true. There’s nothing classified about an email address.
In most cases, he’s told you where he’s deployed to at that moment. That information has a much higher chance of being classified than his email address.
Ask him why he can tell you he’s in whatever country he’s told you, yet something as simple as an email address is “classified”.
What To Do If He Provides an Email Address
First, is the email an official military email address?
If the email address ends in mail.mil, it’s an official military email address. But wait, that doesn’t mean it’s real. We’ll get to that in just a minute.
If he gives a Gmail, Yahoo, usa.com, or any other type of email address other than one ending in mail.mil, it’s not an official email address.
But what about an email address that ends in us.army.mil? That seems official, right?
It was at one point. But those email addresses haven’t been used in years. So, therefore, it’s not any more official than the Gmail address he provided you.
He Gave You an Official Military Email Address – What Now?
So let’s say he actually gave you an email address that ended in mail.mil. This appears it may be an official military email address.
First, let’s take a look at the name. Military email addresses are generally in the format of firstname.lastname@example.org.
Does it match the name he’s been using with you? Does it match the last name shown on his uniform?
Let’s say he passes this test too. We are not done, though.
Regardless if it appears he emailed you from the mail.mil email address, compose a NEW email. Do not reply to the email he sent you.
Type in the email address he sent you and ask a specific question in the email. In almost all cases, the email will bounce back to you as even though it’s in the correct format, it’s still not a real email address.
In some cases, it will go through. This has only happened a handful of times in more than ten years I’ve dealt with these scams.
It’s possible that the combination they gave you by pure chance happened to belong to a real soldier, but it won’t be who you are talking to.
In some cases, the soldier may reply (don’t count on this) and let you know you have the wrong person. Or ask you who you are and why you’re emailing him.
In all likelihood, they will assume the email is spam, delete it, and go on about their day.
You ask a very specific question so if you get another response from the scammer that again appears to come from the military email address, he can’t send you a generic response.
I have seen it happen where the victim will tell the scammer she sent an email to him and then receive an email in response that looks like it’s from the military email address.
But is your email intact as it would be for any other email when someone replies to an email? Did he answer the specific question (that you otherwise haven’t told him about) in the email response?
My guess is no. Even when the scammer goes to all the trouble of the above (and very few do), it still falls apart on them in the end.
The Next Step: Guilt Trip For Questioning If He’s Really a Soldier
Because the scammer can’t provide you with a legitimate military email address where you can communicate, he will typically react in two ways – become angry or lay on the guilt.
When these scammers figure out they’ve been busted and the person they’ve been trying to scam for whatever period of time is not going to pay up, they will sometimes become incredibly angry.
He may threaten you. He may say he’s going to expose your information. He may say horrible things to you or about you.
Ignore it all. Report the profile on whatever platform you’ve been communicating with him on and block him. Period.
If he doesn’t get mad, he may make one last-ditch effort to reel you in deeper. This will be where he will feign how hurt and devastated he is by your lack of trust.
He will lay it on thick about how could you possibly not believe him after all he’s shared with you? He will tell you he’s an honorable person and he’s opened his heart to you, only to be treated like this.
He will tell you he loves you. He will beg you not to let this come between you.
It’s nothing more than a ploy to keep you in the mix so you will eventually send him money. It’s easier to stick with the person he already invested so much time in than to have to start over from scratch.
He is playing on your sympathy and your open heart. Don’t let him play on your open wallet too.
No matter if he reacts in anger, shock, devastation, or *insert emotion*, your response should always be the same.
Report his profile. Block all communication channels. Move on.
If you’ve already sent him money or shared any personal or financial information with him, there are additional steps to take. Check out those steps here.
If you are concerned about your safety, you can always contact your local authorities and report what is happening.
47 thoughts on “How To Verify If You’re Dating A Real Soldier”
I was contacted by an alleged sergeant of the United States Army on instagram. And he is using someone else’s identity, I already reported the profiles but they are still active. I began to suspect that it was false because after talking with him for a few days, he finally fell in love with me and I continued in the game, now he tells me about a tre Now it makes me angry because the sergeant that he claims to be, is a real person with a family and is really happy. asure he has hidden but he wants me to know because he trusts me.
hi. i just had known this person in facebook. he said, his a US ARMY and destine in syria, they had a mission there. And he is assign in control unit and he said, he is the only one who can access the website. i ask for his email add he told me they dont have any access in they’re email. i need your help i want to verify if he is true.
Hi.. I’m. Just new here.. I’m from ph.. Is. Okey to ask here.?
I met this guy from dating site.. And he give his full name address where he live even he show his son picture on Me. And vise versa.. And he visited pH to military exercise.. Then.. We still continue keep chatting.. But he didn’t ask for money.. Or he did not mention it.. All he said was.. He will send some money for me to start our future in my country ph.. And I don’t feel any guts.. Or strange feeling? I’m just worry is that possible to a. Military man will send a money to a girl like me.. Please help me.. I don’t know how to handle this.. Thank you
I am in the same situation as you are. He even said as soon he get back he will help me with all my needs. And he show me his daughter. But he is a Marine in syria in the control room too. That he takes night shift. And very handsome. He wants me to meet him right away once he gets back.
I have been talking with a guy who said that his working in marine engineering protocol office US in Cairo, Egypt for about 2 years already. At the beginning he told me that he ready to settle down his life and just straight to the point that he want me to be his women. I met this guy from dating application called MEEFF. We have been talked for about 2 months already and yeah so far he didn’t ask me for money yet. But he told me he gonna come over to meet me here in Doha and he told me to send mail to his boss to get permission. I got the email address but it’s look weird, the email address he sent to me is email@example.com . Before this i tried to figure out to search his pictures but I couldn’t find anything, it was just written that the picture is personal something I forgot. So please, could you help me with this if his real or not?
I met this guy name is different on Facebook than his supposed really name. He says he’s from Indiana but deployed until April of next year in afganastan not sure how to spell it anyways I’ve asked for a video and he says he can’t send one hasn’t asked for money or anything is he real
So I met this guy on insta, he says he is in the military overseas right now, we have been talking for the past 5-6 months, he started asking me a couple of times for money for some iTunes account but I told him no and we just continued talking, He always asks how he can prove himself to me and what he wants from me, I don’t know what to ask to get the proof he is really so he says he is.
I’ve been talking to this for a few weeks, and I talked to him about different scammers and how I would never send anyone any money without knowing who that person is. He agreed. He said he was not trying to scam me and that he would never ask me for anything and he hasn’t. He says he lives in Michigan but he had to go to Spain for 4 months. He said he works for the UN in the medical field. He has sent pictures, but not many. How do I know if he’s real or not?
I was on militarycupid.com app and this air force guy messaged me and we started to talk on there and then it moved to regular phone text messages we have exchange pictures and we been talking for almost a month he says hes on serviance mission in Spain since July and will be home in the next 2months and he has even sent me a teddy bear and yes I admit I did send a little money but it wasn’t much at all but then just recently he asked me if I could send a big amount so he can come home for Christmas and I asked him about if had any leave days saved up and he told he doesn’t have any days off and we kept on talking like normal and then he said he had to get to work and now it’s been over 24hrs since I heard from him so what is going on
I have 2 men claiming to be in the US Army.
I asked them for their Military email address. Got @gmail.com instead.
Because I don’t live in the US, they need money to visit me in my Country.
Of, course they are unable to get any money from their own accounts.
The one that is a Military Doctor with the UN.As in the US Army with the UN.
He wants only US$2,500 to visit me. Which could be A$5,000.
He isn’t able to tell me the Airport that he will be flying into, in Australia.
Gets very Abusive and sometimes Blocks me.
The other wants US $10,000., which would be between A$15,000 – $20,000.
What I want to know, if there anywhere to report these People?
I know it’s a Very Serious Offence in the United States, to claim that you are in the Military, when you are not…
These People need to be stopped.
Thank you for this site. I was contacted by someone (the eighth or nine person) on Instagram who declared to be a US soldier deployed to Syria. Always they are widowers with one remaining child. I tried to get his military mail address- he refused. And moreover, the photos of the man showed only MAX VELOCITY TACTICAL which is a training camp instead of real photos from Syria. I didn’t get a whatsApp Number either, due to “safety reasons”.
– I blocked him and reported him to Instagram.
Greetings from Anne in Germany