Victim of a Military Romance Scam? 7 Steps You Must Take Now

steps to take if you're the victim of a romance scam

It all starts innocently enough.

A man reaches out online through private messaging or the dating app you’re on.

He seems to say and do all the right things. Everything seems perfect.

And you fall for him. Hard.

It happens all the time.

There’s rarely a day that goes by when someone isn’t reaching out to me about the amazing person they met online.  

In the cases I deal with, the man is impersonating a soldier in the U.S. military.

Seeing a handsome soldier reaching out to establish a connection seems to make people trust the situation quickly.

After all, who is more honorable than someone who has chosen to serve his country?

Soon enough, he’s requesting monetary funds in one way or another.

Sometimes it will start very innocently, such as asking for an iTunes card.

Other times, they go straight for the ultimate prize and ask for thousands of dollars to return home from a deployment.

The truth is that in almost all of the cases I’ve worked with, the women had alarm bells going off.

Something didn’t seem quite right.

Some stopped the conversation with the “soldier” and reached out to me. And it was case closed very quickly.

Sadly, in many women who asked for help, they have sent thousands of dollars to this man and, in a few cases, tens of thousands of dollars.

Women have told me they have been left with nothing as they turned their life savings over to this man who was making grand promises of a fairytale life together if she could help him get back home.

If you’re in that situation or know someone else who is, read on for the action steps to take now.

One quick note before we dive in, it’s not just women who are victims of the scams.

There are female scammers and male victims, as well as same-sex scams.

There is no discrimination when it comes to scams parting you with your hard-earned money.

Realize You Aren’t Alone

When people reach out to me, they’re not only heartbroken but also incredibly disappointed in themselves that they fell victim to a scammer.

I have worked with thousands of people since I wrote my first article on scammers impersonating soldiers, and I would venture to guess that’s a small percentage of the ones who are out there.

Many scammers are working on multiple victims at the same time.

Not everyone will send money, so they increase their odds by carrying on multiple “relationships” at once.

There’s no easy way to deal with the emotional side of things.

But take at least some solace in knowing that others have fallen prey to the same tactics.

Block Him and Report His Profile

This one is usually the toughest for those that I work with.

You must block him where you’re communicating with him.

And even though he may turn around and just set up a new profile, you should still report that profile, whether it’s to Facebook or a dating site.

Many women balk at the thought of this.

They either want to figure out a way to bust him or think if he knows she figured it out, he can come clean and move on with an honest relationship.

I can’t tell you the number of times women have said they confronted him; he admitted it was a scam but then said that she’s different – he was truly in love with her.

He’s a changed man because of her.

These are probably some of the most heartbreaking situations as no matter what I say to them or how much proof there is, they go back to the scammer.

This only results in having more money taken from them in the future by this man who has supposedly changed his ways.

The way to sanity and to truly move on from this situation is to block him.

Cut off any form of communication you have with him.

He is a scammer, pure and simple.

And he will not change.

He knows exactly what to say to suck you back in, but you now know it’s a facade.

Block him.

Realize the Threats Are Empty

In some cases, when the woman confronts the scammer about the scam and realizes he isn’t going to get any money, he gets angry and starts hurling threats.

This could include threats he will come after you physically, he will hurt your family, or he will expose information you provided him over the time you’ve been communicating.

This could include pictures or even sensitive financial information.

These scammers are generally in another country. In most cases, they’re on another continent.

They’re not coming here to hunt you down over not sending them an iTunes card or giving them a $1,000.

It would cost them more than that to get here.

They can expose your information, but in every case that I’ve worked with so far, that hasn’t happened.

With all that said, if you truly believe your safety is at risk, contact your local authorities for assistance.

Protect Yourself From Further Financial Damage

Have you provided him with bank account information or credit card numbers?

Have you given him your social security number or other highly sensitive personal data?

Many, many people have done this.

They have provided access to their bank account or, in some cases, even added him to their bank account.

If you have provided any financial or sensitive data, you need to act fast.

Once they realize you aren’t going to give them money willingly, they may use the information they have to get it.

Credit Cards – If you have provided credit card data, call the credit card company and let them know an unauthorized person now has access to your credit card information.

Ask for the card to be closed and have another card issue.

Pay close attention to your credit card statements and any charges that may appear. You can dispute any unauthorized charges with the credit card company.

Bank Accounts – If you have added someone to your account or otherwise provided access to your bank account, contact the bank immediately to have the account closed.

Again, watch your account closely to be sure unauthorized transfers and withdrawals aren’t happening.

Be sure to be forthright with the bank as to what happened so they can flag your account.

Social Security Number & Other Sensitive Data – If you have provided this information that could allow someone to steal your identity and begin getting credit in your name, you need to contact the credit bureaus.

There are three major credit reporting agencies – Equifax, TransUnion, and Experian.

You can contact each one and have a fraud alert placed on your credit report.

If you cannot prove you have been a victim of identity theft (yet), there is a small fee to place the alert.

This essentially locks your credit report and places a fraud alert message on the credit report to alert creditors that additional steps to verify the transaction need to occur.  

Creditors will not conduct a full credit check without a PIN that a particular agency has provided you.

It’s a pain when you are legitimately trying to open a new credit source (like buying a car), but believe me, trying to unravel everything after identity theft is way worse.

File a Report with Authorities

It is doubtful you will ever recover the money that you have sent to the scammer.

You can alert the FBI and their internet crimes division about the situation that has occurred.

But don’t expect that it will result in getting your hard-earned money back.

In all the time that I’ve been working with people involved with these scams, no one has ever recovered their money.

But some do get satisfaction in knowing they have at least reported the crime to the appropriate authorities.

Educate Yourself on the Signs of a Scam

By this point, you have firsthand knowledge of how the scam happens, but these scammers change their tactics all the time.

Quite a few people who ask for help reach out multiple times over a few months to ask about different people.

When they say and do all of the right things, promise you this amazing life together as soon as he returns, and sends attractive pictures, it can be tough to think with your head and not your heart.

Throughout the site, I’ve written about signs of a scam and different scam types run over the years.

Take the time to read the articles as well as share them with others.

The only way we will be able to stop these monsters is through education.

When it becomes an unprofitable venture, they will have no reason to continue.

But every person who sends them money emboldens them more and more.

We must get the word out to other people to stop the cycle. It’s the only way.

Don’t Try to Contact the Real Soldier

I don’t allow pictures of the soldiers women have sent to be posted on my site or social media channels.

The soldiers in the pictures are just as much of a victim in this whole thing as you are.

They are also just as powerless to stop the scammer as you are.

I would try to find the soldier to tell them about the scam using their images in the beginning.

This did nothing but cause heartache to know that not only had their pictures been stolen, but they were also being used to scam others.

The only benefit is those who had a public profile (which allowed their pictures to be stolen) would often change their settings to private.

I will still find the real soldier in some cases, but I no longer do so to make contact.

I do so to prove to the woman who won’t believe otherwise that the person they are talking to is not the man in the picture.

Many times, these soldiers are married with children.

For the woman who tells me she must find the real soldier because she’s fallen in love with him, finding the real profile and allowing them to see they have a family already is what needs to happen for closure.

You may believe you have fallen in love with the person in the picture but remember, the real soldier in those pictures doesn’t even know who you are.

You have actually fallen in love with the deceitful scammer taking advantage of you and your giving heart.

Please note that I am not always successful in locating the real soldier, and it is a tedious process to try to track down a real person based on the fake information the scammer has shared.

I am not able to honor every request to track down the real soldier.

I hope this information has been helpful to you if you have fallen victim to a scam.

If you are having a tough time dealing with the emotional side of everything that has happened, please reach out to a qualified person in your area, whether that’s a clergy member or a therapist.

If you have further questions about how to handle the situation after you’ve been scammed or you’re trying to figure out if you’re the victim of a romance scam involving a soldier, please reach out to me via Facebook Messenger

steps to take if you're the victim of a romance scam

27 thoughts on “Victim of a Military Romance Scam? 7 Steps You Must Take Now”

  1. I have met a guy in the British army who has supposing retired now and says he is coming here to me once everything is finalised on his return.I had to send him money for a form he needed to be able to leave for good.Is this true he said he can’t have access to his money whilst in West africa

  2. I found this article while searching because I had my suspicions about a “Sergeant” who found me online through an obscure social app. He asked for money, sent me pictures, and a leave form clearly marked “male scammer” at the bottom. Please be careful, everyone. And thank you for this article.

  3. I’m almost be a victim of romance scam, I met a US Army, he’s 37 years old, he said he was in Yemen for Peace Keeping mission with United Nation. At first it was okay,he’s sweet, but eventually I saw on facebook that he have many account. I ask him, and he told me that the terorist were using his picture (somethings fishy). But we continue to talk for more than a month.
    First it was okay, but suddenly he said that he will transfer his money to my name (huge money) I have to contact his account officer First, he gave me the email of his officer. The account officer knows about me, the account officer made the transfer to my name via The Royal Bank of Scotland USA, but I hesitate because its to good to be true and the account officer is asking me to send $800 for the COT access pin. So I contacted the RBS – UK, do some research and confirmed that it was not their official correspondence and its look like phishing. They advice me to report it to there security team also with the website and the email send to me so that others will not be scammed.

    Good thing I made my research but I almost got scammed. I almost fall for him. God has his own way of guiding us

    1. Thank you for all these articles. It really has been an education. However, it is too late for me. I came to realize I have been scammed after I have sent thousands and thousands of dollars. I realize I will never get my money back. This one is a real hard lesson to learn. My only solace is letting others be aware how clever these scammers are. They know how to really get you emotionally. One point I really want to stress as well. If they ask for money, no matter how small amount they ask, it is a scam. And, if they say they can not get to their money and that their account is frozen and the only way they can get access is by showing them self in person back in the States, it is a scam. I pray others will not fall into being victimized and heed all these helpful literature. Thank you so much for reaffirming my suspicions. Like you said, if you have a gut feeling that something doesn’t feel right,, trust your gut.

  4. Very helpful article, thank you! Yes, the scammer did send the fake address, so after I read this article,
    I knew he was fake. How can I contact you to send pictures of the military man whom you might be able to warn? I feel for them, too, and they are victims. This scammer even sent pictures of injuries and injured soldiers. He was always talking about dramatic scenarios like someone got shot and they were taking care of them. Or how he fought the “Talibans” by himself. The love bombing was relentless, empty promises. They know how to appeal to real women looking for love, and as you said, just accept by intuition he’s a scammer and block him. BTW, I contacted “Plenty of Fish” and they did nothing about it and his profile from which he contacted me is still up.

  5. A military personell says they lost their phone, need a new one but in syria. No exchange there, no way to buy another one. Wants me to get one to them via a friend coming in they know. New romance. have video chatted. seen uniform.

  6. This article was very informative. I believe I’m involved with a scammer pretending to be a Sergent in the army.
    It’s been almost 2 months of talking. Iwas very cautious at first. I wished and researched everything he’d tell me. He video chatted out of the blue. I saw his face shortly and then the cam was done. That led me to believe he was real. He is beyond amazing. We do Bible devotion every night together. He is sweet and compassionate.
    He told me he’s been in Yemen for 7 months on a peace keeping mission. And now they are sending him to Australia for 3 months. I have fallen for this guy! I need to know if he’s fake or legit? Can you please help me find him?

  7. I stumbled on your site and found it very interesting and so very sad. I can’t believe how gullible people are, but attribute it to loneliness as well as low self esteem. You are an angel for doing what you can to help educate the vulnerable.

    1. Like , Cavin ! Thank you very much to educate the vulnerable , like I am . After my husband pass I was so lonely I answered my first friend request . That was about 3 yrs ago … I talked to him for a year . He was not in the army but in the oil business. of course traveling around the world ….. . Covid happened and He got stock in Sweden …. His son was in boarding school in England and got sick . He asked me if I could help . After talking to the doctor , the principal of the school ( thought I was ) I sent him money . Then his ship had a piece that broke and they did not have it so had to be ordered which took several month … By that time He need some more money to be able to finish his job . Finally like I said He was back to the US and in the same State where I was ….not the same town but I was willing to drive 5hrs to meet him …. Never believed I will fall for someone on line But I did . After that By what He told me He moved to Florida from where He disappeared … At that time I did not have my head on my shoulder .. I think I do now…(that will be another subject ) I am still very lonely and I answered another friend request who is telling he is a US Army General in Syria . and of course is asking for money ….. Was doing my research …. I have hard time all the on line people are scammers . But it looks like Thank you

  8. HI Stacey, Is there any way to find out who actually is the person whose picture was used on a profile on Kalam Time? I was scammed by someone whom I did NOT meet on a dating sight, but on Gettr. He reached out to me and that started the ball rolling. Anyway, I ‘m so embarrassed about being so stupid, I’m old enough to know better. Anyway, he had me install Kalam Time on my phone because he said it was for military members who were abroad. Unfortunately my issue went on for about 7 months. And I’ve been wondering if the picture used, which looked like a military man on a military base, is a victim too. It makes me angry if it is because to use our servicemen lke that makes me angry and sick. Thank you for your reply.

  9. Thank you for this. I wish I had found this blog sooner. I have caught a few scammers in the past, but this one guy got me good. Good English, pictures of the person as a teen and young adult, pictures when he was enlisted, at different military events, etc. Deep thinker and intellectual. I am so mad at myself for falling for it without verifying any of the personal information. But I do want to make sure the soldier who had his photos used is ok. Any way to help?

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